Sometimes life takes you by surprise. I’m feeling great, dialysis is going well and I’m feeling strong. Go me…!

It’s been a tough year but today I feel great, I’ve been to the gym, I’ve seen my Mum and I’ve met with a friend to walk her dog in the beautiful countryside we live in. After having a worrying time a month ago where my haemoglobin seemed to be crashing (6.2 at one stage – normal levels are around 12, for a ‘normal person’ that is). There were talks of a blood transfusion and I felt pretty rough. Tired, achy, not sleeping at night and chesty/flu like symptoms on and off. However, by some grace of God (or whoever you chose to believe in, Alan for all I know) I am feeling fine!

Dialysis is still a bore but I feel the benefit of doing it and needling isn’t as bad as it once was. Could things be going alright for a change?? Sitting here having just finished a ‘Body Balance’ session (a mixture of Tai Chi, Yoga and Pilates) having just had an hour to contemplate how I’m doing at the moment and in summary I’m ok. There have been times when I felt my health was slipping out from underneath me and that I was losing control but I appear to have turned a corner.

I’ve begun to realise that my hand I’ve been dealt isn’t that bad. I may only be able to do some of the things I was able to do before and there’s more planning and consideration of my limits but I can still do most of what I want to do. One thing I’ve stopped doing is work and although before dialysis my career was my everything I understand now that my GP was right in advising me to slow down. It’s only now that I’m feeling good that I realise how hard I was pushing myself to keep up with everyone else. Why is it we do this to ourselves? Some say it’s because we don’t want to let illness of any kind control us but I’m proof that giving yourself a little attention and some time goes a long way. I wish I had listened earlier but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

As I’m not working I’m able to rest when I need to, take a stroll to clear my head when I need to, cry when I need to and focus on doing all I can to keep well, preparing my body for the big op!

I look back and can’t work out how I managed. I was commuting to Oxford several times a week, staying overnight, going to the gym and maintaining our house and social life all at 100mph (or 70mph on the A34/M4 of course!). No wonder my diabetic team were screaming to see me, I was eating whatever was easy in between meetings and my laundry pile was mounting up. Dialysis was the straw that broke the camels back… But I’m glad it did because I was running myself into the ground.

These days dialysis comes first, blood sugars are priority and I have time to schedule my important medical appointments. Being back in control, giving my body enough time to recover from the three times a week treatment means I’m feeling strong, both in body and mind. Not everyday is great, yesterday for example I came off my machine feeling pretty rough, but having time to rest means today I’m feeling A OK. I know it won’t be forever, I mean people take maternity leave, don’t they?!

The summer has gone and autumn is finally here. It’s a beautiful time of year and one which I’m going to make the most of. Let’s hope my new found strength continues and my journey towards my new life stays as positive as it can. I’ll be doing what I can to keep me this way, just you try and stop me!