Temperatures are due to soar this week; a week long heat wave and with my love and longing for the sunshine this sounds like bliss but, I have ‘Dave’ to consider. Dave is my fistula, the best access for haemodialysis, my vein and artery sewn together to create a blood cleaning superhighway. He performs magic 3/4 times a week and keeps me feeling well yet I am still embarrassed by the way he looks. I chose to have him, was I regretting it?

Meet Dave. My Fistula & buttonholes; my access for my needles to be able to clean my blood.

Two little holes on what looks like a raised, pulsing vein yet I’m more accepting of the future scar I will wear once I’ve had my transplant, a long obvious scar from my chest bone down to under my belly button. People just don’t get Dave, they are not used to seeing such wonderment (that’s how I prefer to describe it rather than disfigurement) on a 33yr old woman, especially when ‘you look so well…’.

So, today is a day off. A day off from dialysis, a rest day, a day to enjoy life and forget I’m a little bit broken at the moment. But it’s not really, not mentally, who am I kidding? Today is a day of dealing with one of the things kidney failure brings; dealing with the questioning glances as I try to blank out the fact Dave is standing proud. My mum tries to tell me ‘you can hardly notice it now’, I know her words mean well and are because she knows it bothers me, some reassurance, but I’m not blind. I notice as I walk into my local supermarket women acknowledging the fact I’ve made an effort with my outfit today, a green linen skirt and a navy vest top but her eyes are transfixed at my left arm as we pass one another in the crisps aisle. Vest tops, such a versatile item of clothing but at the same time exposes so much. A bingo wings worst nightmare and now I was finding out it was Daves worst nightmare too!

It’s hot out, what do I do; admit defeat and wear a 3/4 length sleeved top all summer or embrace Dave’s individuality and praise those whom bother to delicately enquire the ‘wonderment’??

Today’s a ‘sod it’ day. People stare because they don’t understand, they have enquiring minds but are not brave enough to enquire. So, with that in mind I’m off to wave Dave around town and should someone ask me about him I’ll tell them ‘it’s my blood cleaning superhighway’. If they don’t stare at me more after that then I will be worried!!!

Ps. Enjoy the sun and remember, don’t lock dogs in cars (or anyone/anything for that matter). It’s too hot!

For more info on how Dave was made follow this link:

Click to access 5659Pfistula.pdf